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Inspektor Pickle

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[29 Dec 2009|01:42pm]
[ mood | excited ]

For those interested, I have my MAGfest staffing shifts finalized. On Thursday, we should be arriving sometime between 4-6pm. I then have a shift at reg desk from 10pm-2am. Friday, I'll be at reg desk from 4pm-8pm. Saturday, It's 10am-2pm and 4pm-8pm. Other than that, ROLL THE DICE TO SEE IF I GET CRUNK!!!!!
For those not attending, MAGfest is one of two times I come back to VA. So it might be in your best interests to come by and say hi. Also, it's wicked awesome and totally worth the drive.

www.magfest.org

Now, I have to format True Blood episodes so I have something to do on the 8+ hour drive.

3 comments|post comment

[06 Jul 2009|09:30am]
[ mood | stressed ]

This wedding business is incredibly complicated. Here I am engaged for not even a week, and I wish Tim would agree to elope. Too many things to worry about. Who should I invite? What should I wear? Since the ceremony is private, should we even dress formally? Do I do a color theme? What kind of invitations should I send out? How much is too much for a dress? Where in Buffalo can I find a place without a horrific cake-cutting fee? Should I invite my dad? Should I rethink having my sister as my maid of honor? What do I put on the gift registry? What fuck am I doing with this bridal favors shit? WHO THE FUCK IS GONNA GO TO THE STORE AND PICK OUT MY WEDDING DRESS WITH ME???!!


*pant* *pant*


I think I'm just gonna put on the fluffiest dress I can find at Kohl's, hop over to town hall, then hit up a fast food place. What's the point of having a big shindig if I'm just gonna stress every five seconds?

10 comments|post comment

[03 Jul 2009|09:44pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Lauren has gained a level. Lauren has gained a new class. Lauren is now a "Fiancee". Lauren can now equip engagement ring.

5 comments|post comment

[19 Apr 2009|08:46am]
[ mood | tired ]

I had a dream last night. I had gone out to eat at some random restaurant with Tim. The manager comes up to me and asks, "Lauren, I know you're not on clock, but could you take table so-and-so?" I agree, start waiting on them. Next tables comes up... can I take it? Yup! Next table, can I take it? Sure! Next table, Lauren? Yup! Next table? Uh, sure. Next table? Do I have a choice? Tables were getting mad because I couldn't get over there in time, but there was absolutely no one else who could take tables! Then finally, everyone was gone. I called a manager(on a "direct line to Commissioner Gordon" type phone!) to cash me out, but they were just sitting around. It took hours before they'd let me cash out and go home.
I think this is my brain's way of protesting my shitty double yesterday. Of course it exaggerated a few things(no Batman phone, etc), but it was pretty much like that.

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[01 Apr 2009|11:57pm]
[ mood | hairy ]

So I do this thing where I grow hair on my vagina. I'm not a big fan of it, so it was great when I heard how some people pay people to pull it out. Only I don't know where to go, because I can't just walk up to someone and say "Here's $50. Pull out each hair growing near my asshole.".... wait, can I? When I tried googling for help, I just got porn and/or floor cleaning services. Anyways, I would like some advice on paying people to pull out my bush... finding a place, how to be comfortable, pricing, etc.

I thank you. My boyfriend thanks you. My pubic hair despises you.

2 comments|post comment

[01 Apr 2009|02:44pm]
[ mood | giggly ]

I know this is a really fucked up thing to say, but... if I ever have an abortion, I want to have it on April 1st.

1 comment|post comment

[30 Mar 2009|09:17am]
[ mood | angry ]

My day hasn't even started, and it's already incredibly shitty.

I thought one's significant other was supposed to support you through the rough times, not make them worse.....

1 comment|post comment

[25 Mar 2009|01:36pm]
[ mood | groggy ]

Tomorrow I get to go down to "Coca-Cola Park"(worst baseball stadium name ever) and get my badge. My work is serving food during all the Bison games and I need clearance to work... weird, but hey, I get a nifty badge.
Work is crazy as usual. Training new people. Getting frustrated with my shitty coworkers.
Starting to seriously dislike the apartment. Wish I had a place to go and chill without waking Tim up. Sometimes I just wanna stay up and read or talk to friends.
Want it to be AMA.

2 comments|post comment

also, new icon [18 Mar 2009|09:18am]
[ mood | 24 ]

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, FUCKERS! YEEEEAH, SON!

Tim and I are going to the Seneca Park Zoo, then Dinosaur BBQ. I am then coming home to play with my new Wii Fit. Yes, the one my boyfriend got me. Yes, the boyfriend who is better than yours. It's okay to cry, it's shocking, but he is totally better. Oh, and then I'm gonna read and eat some ice cream.
Best day ever? It's planned so. I'll report with which animals I saw having sex today.

4 comments|post comment

[27 Feb 2009|09:49pm]
[ mood | creative ]

My personal goal for this year is to make my own clothes. I'm very nervous about this, especially since I haven't sewn any clothing in about 8 years. You can forget a LOT of skills in 8 years. So I'm sitting here on the new computer(Matilda; Tim and I cosigned for a Best Buy card and bought her. She's kinda like our electronic adopted daughter. Awww.), staring at Craftster.com, and daring myself to sew something. I have three million ideas... vests and dresses and blouses and tigers oh my. But what to do first? I suppose I'll finally make it to the library and get some seamstress books. But I just can't drudge up the courage to pull my Singer out of the box. O, woe is my wardrobe.

I've also discovered I'm some sort of closet steampunk clotheshorse. I guess I realized this when I spent a full hour drooling over bustle dresses. I thought about my love of pilot goggles as a fashion accessory and how I want a circa 1885 ballgown for my wedding dress, and the pieces fell together.
Am I still steampunk if I just want to wear corsets and clockwork jewelry and military vests?

4 comments|post comment

[23 Feb 2009|08:44pm]
[ mood | curious ]

I got this from arf. If you leave me a comment, I'll ask you 5 things about either your interests or what I know about you (sometime within 24 hours of you commenting). You can either answer the questions here or turn around and answer them in your lj with these instructions.

These questions were from arf

1. You've won a free facial hair transplant! Who's hair do you choose, Tom Selleck's or Frank Zappa's?
I say Tom, because while Frank's stache is technically more bitchin, I do not like the soul patch. Wipe that shit off your chin, son.

2. Disregarding laws or ease of care, if you could have any animal as a pet, what would it be?
BADGER. Who's my minion? Whooo's my minion? YES, YOU ARE! Om om bom smootch smootch cuddle!

3. What recent fashion related thing annoys you the most (i.e. shutter glasses, tights, etc.)?
I'm having such a hard time thinking of RECENT fashion stuff. I guess I super hate not being able to find jeans that aren't either LOWEST rise or granny-panty cut. Yeah, Target, I'm talking about you. SUCK MY MUFFIN-TOPS!!
I hate Twilight shirts. I hate that retarded asymmetrical Becks bob. I hate babydoll anything. Peasant tops are for dirty hippie fuckwads. Mermaid dresses are tacky. The only exception to these is Marion Cotillard; she can wear whatever she wants. Because she's just that magical.

4. What are some crafty ideas you've had lately?
I'm definitely doing some Coraline dolls. I'm working my way through some cross-stitch samplers to exercise my ancient skillz. But my big thing is that, by this time next year, I'm gonna be making some of my own clothes. I like pretty dresses way too much to spend all that money on them, so why not recreate them myself? If I can do a decent 15th century Flemish morning gown, I'm sure I can make a cute sundress. But fuck, I wanna make a Other!Tim and scare him with it. MUWAHAHAHA!!

5. What's you're favorite kind of cookie?
I'm fairly partial to blueberry snickerdoodles. Closely following are coconut macaroons, and pecan sandies.
I'm assuming Girl Scout cookies don't count. Samoas all the way, baby.

4 comments|post comment

Writer's Block: Sounds Good to Me [16 Feb 2009|01:24am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Persnickety, flibbertigibbet, lollygag—some words are just more fun to say. What's your favorite word?

Schadenfreude. I'm a bitch like that. But also ankle and pickle..




Today was crazy. Went in at noon, left at midnight. Completely slammed, did over $1500 in sales just by myself. Before tipout, I made $238. That's almost my rent. Unfortunately, I had to tip out about 70, so I didn't walk away with a ton of money. But I'm still glad I worked. It's nice to show my managers how much ass I can kick. I mean, I wasn't the server that was there the longest or had the most tables... I just sold more stuff than anyone else. Whhhhooooooo's house? Ruuuunnnn's house!
Now I want to know who the fuck goes out to eat on the night after Valentine's Day?

Coraline was the fucking shit.
2 comments|post comment

[06 Feb 2009|06:28pm]
[ mood | enraged ]

Today has been a never-ending downward spiral of suck. I want to play a game or something to cheer myself up, but I'm afraid of what else could go wrong. I don't even have enough money to bake myself into cheer. I guess I'm gonna have to curl up under the blankets and hide from my bad luck until Tim comes home. Not that he will be able to make me feel any better(lately proving quite the opposite), but at least I'll have something to do. Actually, I have something to do, like plan a certain stupid bitch's downfall, but I'm told that's not healthy. Eh.

6 comments|post comment

[28 Jan 2009|10:49am]
[ mood | crafty ]

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
- What I create will be just for you.
- It'll be done this year. (might be a little while)
- You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a story. It may be poetry. It may be a CD or a piece of jewelry. I may draw or paint something. I may bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you have to repost. We can all make stuff!!


New apartment. Now the Ekkebus/Horneber household. I alternate between feeling like I'm playing house and wondering when he's going to go home. Not in a "Ugh, GTFO" way, just a "Huh, we've been hanging out for a while now." Lot of cleaning, organizing. I used to mock the sitcoms when they would bitch about how lazy their husbands are... then I tried to get Tim to take out the trash. I can't explain how disappointing it is to discover something from "Everyone Loves Raymond" is true; you start to wonder what else in that dreary mundane world is true. Because Tim moved his stuff in first, I'm having a hard time getting him to understand that I have to move my crap into this very small apartment too. Teamwork and compromise... if things don't start showing up, I'm gonna have to start choking bitches.
Work is kinda nice. I'm starting my server training on Monday. I just want to be able to pick up as many shifts as possible. I think this past week was the first week since Christmas that I didn't work 40+ hours(excepting MAGfest). While the money has been nice, it's been insane and a lot of my coworkers have been shitheads. Luckily, the worst have been fired. The other day, I lost my temper completely and stopped helping everyone. I merely did my job and watched as shit started falling apart without help. Not to say the restaurant depends entirely on me, but a lot of people there assume I'm going to pick up all this extra work for nothing. Then when I stopped expo'ing their food, stopped getting drink orders, stopped prebussing for them, they faltered. If I had gotten one thank you or tip for that, I would've loved to help out. But I'm getting to the point of my life where I'm really fucking tired of being taken for granted.
Overall, New York is cold, but I like where I'm living. I suppose I could handle this blurry contentment for just a moment longer.

4 comments|post comment

[19 Jan 2009|04:18pm]
[ mood | nerdy ]

1. Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
2. Turn to page 56.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post that sentence along with these instructions in your LiveJournal.
5. Don't dig for your favorite book, the coolest, the most intellectual. Use the CLOSEST.

"The passion I had developed for that nymphet- for the first nymphet in my life that could be reached at last by my awkward, aching, timid claws- would have certainly landed me again in a sanatorium, had not the devil realized that I was to be granted some relief if he wanted to have me as a plaything for some time longer."
-Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov



I'm working on my cross-stitch skillz. I haven't done it in years and years, but Jess linked me to a site about gaming crafts that made me think about getting stuff together for a MAG table. Then I realized I wouldn't have any time to sit at said table. Instead, I plan on filling Tim's and my house with cutesy crafty gamer crap. Embroidered Kirby barrel-rolling across the border of hand towels? Yup. Monopoly tablecloth? Oh heck yesh(this is my favourite idea so far). 8-bit themed throw-pillows? Trying to decide if I want to do all from one game or one from each, but yeeeah. Maybe Risk board placemats? Maybe as a gift to some people...
Also, I'm totally almost a guest on the current X-Strike podcast(being recorded RIGHT NOW).

1 comment|post comment

MAGFEST (the short version, more later) [05 Jan 2009|04:22am]
[ mood | indescribable ]

Fuck it, we'll do it live.

EZ-Bake Vagina.

Vagrant FUCKING Story.

The scar I'm going to have from the nickle Christie dropped down my dress.

Tim, 4, and Jakenden(sp?) having the door shut in their faces because of my dress.

Two-story porn store.

Pretentious cubes.

I learned 4's real full name.

No one is allowed to say "muffin" near me.

Yelling across the balconies.

Marty was across the hall from me the whole time.

3 comments|post comment

[29 Dec 2008|01:38am]
[ mood | grateful ]

Today was a horrific and beautiful day at work. We were completely slammed from noon to 9pm. SLAMMED. As in multiple huge parties showing up. I later realized it was because large portions of Buffalo had no power due to the extremely powerful winds. It was on Black Friday level, we were so busy.
Of course, I was the only host working the whole day. From 10:30am to 9pm. The massive pile of tips I'll get tomorrow is going to make up for the suffering. I barely got a break because the managers forgot that no one was coming in to replace me.
I finally take my break at 4pm. I go to my bag to grab some cash for food. Huh. That's unusual. I had $45 in my wallet this morning. FUUUUCK. Someone fucking stole all my cash while I was working. I was stupid enough to leave money in my wallet in the back stock room. Anyone who worked there could've taken it... and some dick did. I cried. That was my MAGfest drinking money. The rest of the day was a blur of exhaustion, anger, and frantic grief. Seriously, only thinking about hanging out with my girls at MAGfest in four days kept me going. I was so stressed out, I wondered if this was what a mental breakdown felt like.
I was doing my sidework when one of the servers asks me to come into the kitchen. All the servers and managers were standing there. They handed me a wad of cash; they had all put in for a collection for me. They said they knew how important this con was for me and I had better have the best time ever. AWWWWWWWWWWWW. There may be that one mysterious douchewaffle at my work, but everyone else is fucking amazingly awesome.

Christmas was also lovely. I got almost everything I super wanted. I'm desperately hoping the presents I got for people will show before we leave for MAGfest on Wednesday.
MAAAAAAGFESSSSST HECK YESH! JEZEBEL '09 WILL BE THE BEST CON PARTY EVAH!!

2 comments|post comment

>_ [20 Dec 2008|12:23am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

When my boyfriend plays games on Live, I don't mind. But when I'm sitting in between Tim and Rory, both playing and SCREAMING at the tv/their headsets... SOMEONE'S ABOUT TO GET FUCKING CHAINSAWED. I want to cover my head with something and shriek until someone shuts the hell up. Sheesh, you'd think they were actually being killed.

8 comments|post comment

[10 Dec 2008|03:39pm]
[ mood | working ]

I don't care how long I'll live in Buffalo; I will never fully adjust to their retarded winters. I'm actually considering tanning, just so I can stand out from the snow. Of course, I has the poor, so tanning is totally out of the question. I'll probably be sun-tanning at MAGfest; it'll be the last time I get to see the sun until May.
My network card is fried, so I'm updating from the library. I seem to have found my calling: getting paid to write my co-workers' English papers. I lol'd once I realized how much fun I'm having comparing Poe and Maupassant's themes of death. Silly nerd. I've asked my mother to pay off my old school debts so I can get my transcript and start classes up here. In the meantime, I'll probably be living at the library.
Target laid me off. I have NEVER been so relieved to leave a job. Ferreals. It was either that or I would've had to burn down the place in a raving fit of diabolical madness. Something about 40-something women starting rumours that I'm sleeping with the managers(Ooh, both of them! I never knew I was such a tawdry slag!) makes me want to choke on chortling laughter.
I will see you all at MAGfest.

11 comments|post comment

[17 Oct 2008|10:43pm]
[ mood | sick ]

So the being deathly ill thing is going considerably well. I can breathe without severe coughing fits, and my fever's gone. Unfortunately, my headaches and stuffed up nose are still alive and well.
Now, because I've been blowing my nose and wiping it and blah blah, it's gotten red and irritated. Surprise. See, when my nose gets dried up, I have nosebleeds.


So this morning I take a long hot shower to get some moisture and air going. I step out of the shower and rub my nose, which tickles. I look down and realize it tickles because there is blood seeping out of it. I'm annoyed, because the shower didn't work.

Then I sneezed.

You know that shot in the opening credits of CSI, where Grissom hits a fake head full of blood and it goes "BLOOD WHOOSH TSUNAMI OF GORE!!!"? Yeah, that was my body and shower this morning. I had to stop the nosebleed and clean up all the blood out of the tub before my roommate needed to shower. Wonderful.


I had another nosebleed this evening, but that's because I was watching House. Hugh, you rascal, you.

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